The curse of Imposter Syndrome

I have just pressed the button to publish my second book, Secrets of the Towers, and I am suddenly plagued with doubts.

Of course, this isn’t a new phenomenon. It happened the first time I showed someone my work. The moment I asked someone to critique my draft. The many times I sent off my manuscript to an agent, and when someone asks me what I do for a living. (Not that I would be living at all if I had to survive on my writing!)

Right now, I should be shouting from the rooftops about my new book, drumming up interest and marketing my butt off. Instead, all I want to do is hide in a corner and apologise to everyone who is about to buy my novel.

Putting your work on public display is a very scary thing. What if people don’t like it? What if they laugh at me for pretending to be an author, or leave a terrible review? For those of you who have taken that big step and felt those feelings, know that we are in good company. Authors Maya Angelou, Agatha Christie and Neil Gaiman have all felt like frauds and wondered how long it will take people to call them out on it.

This time, however, it sits a little easier on my shoulders. It is familiar to me, and I don’t feel so paralysed. That may also be because I am still riding the heady success of selling one more copy of Master and Apprentice this month and reading another five-star review for it on Amazon. The relief when people say they actually enjoy my work is palpable.

So, what do I need to do to combat imposter syndrome so that I can continue to publish more stories?

1. Remember I am not alone. When I see so many celebrities and influential people saying the same thing, I have to recognise that this is a normal feeling that is universal to many successful people.

2. Stop the negative self-talk. I don’t actually need people to denigrate and belittle me, because I am really good at doing it to myself. I am my own worst critic, but I am learning to change my internal narrative. When people pay me a compliment, instead of trying to make excuses, I just say “thank-you”. I can hold my head up and say that I have tried my very best, instead of focussing on the one mistake. I can choose to believe those people who say they love my writing. I need to be kind to myself.

3. Recognise that I can’t please everyone. There will be some people who don’t like what I publish and are vocal about it. For some it is a way to make themselves feel better by pulling everyone else down. The wider my audience, the more chance I have of attracting the attention of trolls and haters. I need to discover how to concentrate on the majority of the positive comments, rather than the occasional shrill voice of dissent. Keeping my attention on my fan-base and listening to what they say is more important.

4. Do my best work. It may not be perfect. It may never be a prize winner or top the best-sellers list. But every time I push that publish button, I want to be able to say that I had nothing more to give. I listened to my beta readers, I edited and re-edited. I pored over my manuscript for mistakes. With no budget for professional editors, I have to make do with the tools I have got.

5. Tell people how I feel and listen to them when they respond. We have a very skewed view of self. More often, friends and family see us better than we see ourselves. If we really want the truth, we need to keep those lines of communication open. Allow those nearest to us to keep us grounded. We need their encouragement and positive feedback, but we also need the truth, so create an atmosphere where they feel safe enough to be honest with you.

So, there we are. My recipe to combat imposter syndrome. Now all I need to do is publish this blog.

I just hope people like it…