Procrastination Gold Medal

Today I achieved something truly amazing. I fully expected trumpets and confetti when I walked out of the Post Office this morning. Almost as good is the big tick I shall put next to a job which has been on my to-do list for years.

Over twenty years, to be exact.

I have an insurance policy which I took out when my son was young, and my marriage broke down. The reasoning behind it was that he would be well provided for if either of us died.

Then I got remarried. Everything else stayed the same, apart from my surname. Every year, the letter would come with a statement, and every year I would think to myself, “I must let them know I have changed my name.”

A few years back, I started putting it on my to-do lists, faithfully ignoring it month after month. In January, I decided 2023 would see it done. It was one of my goals for the year. I pulled out my wedding certificate, which has since been on my desk for ten months. I even wrote the accompanying letter in February, and saved it on to my desktop, so that I would see it every day.

I have managed to ignore it for eight months.

Now, I’m not aware of any accolades for the length of time spent procrastinating, but I honestly think this would make me a viable contender. I would expect to be in the medals, with a good chance of achieving gold.

The question is, why? I’m an organised, efficient, and methodical person. I thrive on lists and feel a sense of achievement when I see all those lovely ticks against the items on my to-do list. What was it about this chore that made me curl into a ball and wish it would magically go away? (Where are fairy godmothers when you really need them?)

Part of it was the fact that it wasn’t urgent – at least as far as I knew. I wasn’t planning to die in my late thirties, but as time has passed, I realised the odds were slowly changing, and not in my favour. Not that my omission would nullify the policy, but it would be yet another headache for my husband and/or son to tackle, which I could ease for them here and now. Growing older definitely changes your perspective.

Another reason was I simply kept forgetting about it. Apart from those annual statements, it didn’t feature on my radar. It was easy to file the statement away and not follow up on a simple task.

However, once it made its way into my to-do list and, therefore, my conscious thoughts, I still did nothing for years. I put this down to several things.

First, it meant physically going out of my way to achieve it. I couldn’t e-mail or scan it. I had to go to a Post Office and pay for a recorded delivery. You could argue that a stamp and a post box would suffice, but I am paranoid about losing important documents in the post, so that wasn’t really an option.

This meant getting into my car and finding a parking space, followed by speaking to a stranger behind a counter.

Any of those things on their own are doable. However, the combination was just daunting enough to paralyse me. That may sound really silly to many of you, but these are all things which increase my anxiety levels. Not to a horrific extent, but enough to mean I procrastinated about it for years instead of confronting it head on.

So, what was different about today?

I needed to go to the Post Office for something totally unrelated. (A task that has been on by to-do list for a few weeks!) This meant that I had no more excuses about not going.

The main reason, however, was because I suddenly remembered that there was another smaller Post Office very close to the supermarket, which I often frequent. Now, the car drive and the parking were superfluous, as I have done them so many times before. All that was left was a chat over a counter. The anxiety levels diminished, and the task was done.

One very big tick coming up!

Those of you who fly through life without having to analyse every little move won’t really get why this has been such a huge thing for so long. That’s fine. I envy you your confidence. For those, like me, who find simple things turn into daunting tasks due to low-levels of stress, you will understand what a big step forward this is.

Driving to unknown places.

Being able to secure a parking spot.

Meeting new people.

Talking to people – even interacting with friends and family can be really tiring.

Answering questions without having time to prepare. (Hence my freezing when people ask me about my books.)

Searching for the loo in a pub or restaurant.

Basically, anything that takes me out of my “normal” safe space and thrusts me into the unknown.

It is a battle I have waged for most of my life. Sometimes I pushed through with a bravado I didn’t feel, essentially becoming someone else. I was so successful that people were astonished when I told them I was an introvert.

Many times, especially when I was young, I relied on my drug of choice, alcohol, to give me the Dutch courage I needed. Not something I would ever recommend, but it sadly got me through some difficult times.

Acknowledging my fears is always a good move. Identifying why I avoid situations and being kind to myself is very helpful.

Admitting them to my friends has also been freeing. Often, they will help and support me, either with information or offering me lifts instead of expecting me to drive. People can be so kind when they know you are struggling, even if they don’t “get it”. A good friend of mine gifted me with a sat nav, which has been so wonderful in helping me to successfully navigate to unknown places.

Breaking the task down can help, but, as with my certificate, can only get you so far. I do wonder if the issue might have lasted far longer if I hadn’t already written the letter and found my marriage licence. I can envisage myself waving the thought away and leaving it to another occasion when I had more time to sort it out!

Eventually, I have to pull on my big girl pants, feel the fear, and do it anyway. And afterwards, give myself a large bar of chocolate as a reward!

Some people might argue that I am lazy and should simply push through and get things done. I don’t believe procrastination is about laziness. As I said earlier, I’m a list maker and strategic planner. I may not have the energy of a twenty-year-old anymore, but I still tackle many tasks that I don’t enjoy.

Rather than censure, people who procrastinate over certain tasks should be encouraged, supported, and helped. Like my friend gifting me a sat nav, knowing that I struggle with going to new places. I happily visited a new friend who lived about 45mins away armed with my lovely Irish gentleman telling me where to go, and the very detailed parking info from my friend. Yes, I also had to take a deep breath and step out, but that was so much easier to do with support in place.

So, if you find yourself procrastinating over a task, ask yourself why. Are there things you can do to break the task down and make it easier? Is there something else you need to make the task happen? Can you be vulnerable to a friend and let them know your struggles so they can support and encourage you? Can you do it in a different way (like my remembering a smaller Post Office) that will make the task less stressful? And most importantly, what kind of reward can you give yourself for doing it?

An unbelievable weight has finally disappeared from my life, because the guilt and embarrassment at not doing something has gone. That one task you are avoiding? Do whatever you need to get it done. That chocolate will taste all the sweeter when you finally succeed.